Healing Wounds and Moving On
by Miri28
Summary: The memory of the feeling of his lips danced like ghost pains across hers and tugged on her heartstrings. She felt so alone. For the first time since being back in Orb, she wasn't able to hide or run from her pain. DearkaxMiriallia


**Author's Note:** While I've had a billion different ideas come and go for a Miriallia x Dearka fic, this is the first fanfic I've written in years and the first for SEED. Go easy on me ;) I'm still getting rid of the rust.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam SEED, its characters, nor its amazing soundtrack. If I did, I certainly wouldn't have to write fanfiction for a pairing that should have never been broken up...*ahem*

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><p><strong><span>Healing Wounds and Moving On: Chapter 1<span>**

Settling into a normal routine just wasn't possible. It was kind of ironic that what she had wanted most while fighting aboard the Archangel was unobtainable now that she was off it. There were days when she longed for the ship's corridors and the camaraderie that had become commonplace amongst the crew.

Not that she didn't cherish the peace- no, Miriallia Haww was definitely thankful for the end of the war. She just wished that somehow things would go back to normal- like they had been before ZAFT attacked Heliopolis. However, the life she'd had there would forever be out of her grasp. Even if certain…. _events_ had never happened, the signs that she was no longer the same person she was back then greeted her every day.

For starters, the robotics engineering textbooks that used to be stacked neatly on her desk were replaced with photography magazines and newspapers. The sundresses that her wardrobe had consisted of were gone, except for the one she'd worn on her last day on Heliopolis, which was tucked at the back of her closet and out of sight.

The most noticeable difference, however, was the lack of pictures in her room including a certain Tolle Koenig and his goofy grin. Where they'd littered her dresser before, only one remained. On any given day, Miriallia would place it face down in attempt to forget, if only for a few short hours, what had happened to her boyfriend- her best friend in the world.

Today she couldn't do it. In fact, the closest to the picture she managed to get was the end of her bed, where she sat with her arms wrapped around her knees. She stared up at his smiling face and yearned to feel his arm around her shoulders as he had done in the picture. The memory of the feeling of his lips danced like ghost pains across hers and tugged on her heartstrings. She felt so alone. For the first time since being back in Orb, she wasn't able to hide or run from her pain.

All it had taken was to realize exactly what the whispers that followed her around at school were saying.

Miriallia had returned to try and regain some sense of normalcy, but unfortunately for her, many of those attending the school in Onogoro had been at the Heliopolis Technical College. Despite Cagalli's efforts to keep her and the rest of the crew's affiliation with the Archangel secret, people weren't stupid. She hadn't been among the passengers of the lifeboats- and when she finally showed up, it was without Tolle and her usual sunny disposition.

"_Poor thing,"_ some of the whispers had said. _"They'd been perfect together."_

"_Did he really die? You're sure he didn't just dump her and take off?"_

"_I heard they'd secretly been Earth Alliance soldiers since before they enrolled, maybe even Blue Cosmos. She's a coordinator-hater just like the rest of them. Disgusting."_

Miriallia had frozen in place after hearing the last whisper. She barely managed to recognize Chelsea and Mischa and one of their friends- all who'd been classmates of hers and friends with Flay, through tears that had built up. Is that what they thought of her? That she hated coordinators? She was part of a terrorist group?

Her first reaction was to run to Tolle and push her way into his comforting arms…but Tolle wasn't there.

He never would be.

Miriallia tried to hold back the tears but to no avail. They slowly started to roll down her cheeks and by the time she'd gotten away from the group and to her locker, her vision was blurred and sobs started to wrack her body.

She'd lost her home, her boyfriend, her friends and now her reputation too. Talking would've helped, but there was no one to comfort her, no one who would bother to listen to her anymore. Miri didn't know how she managed to get home, but she'd cried herself to sleep. Her eyelashes still held moisture when she woke up.

There was no way she was going to school. She was miserable. She went from feeling sorry for herself, to being angry at Tolle's desire to pilot that blasted skygrasper, then at herself for being angry with him, to calming down just enough to cry over nothing more than the gaping hole in her heart.

She quit looking at the picture and buried her head in her knees. Seemingly in the distance, the doorbell rang and the sounds of someone coming up the stairs could be heard. She didn't care- the sleeves of her orange pajamas were soaked, her hair disheveled. She continued to sob, even as someone sat next to her and gently pulled her into their warm embrace.

Miriallia buried her head into their shirt, her eyes still streaming. She lost sense of time and how many tears she'd soaked the person's shirt with, but she was glad they never left, instead, rubbing her back soothingly every once in a while. Her sobs eventually quieted, and she fell asleep once more, a name associated with her heartache slipping from her lips.

"Tolle…"


End file.
